pacifisting | dynamight

From:

[ It feels like he's won a battle when Bakugou shoves up against him like this. Midoriya moves wherever he's directed, easy and pliable, and then gently slides his uninjured hand over the swell of a shoulder, tracing down his arm lightly. Of course moments later, Bakugou's getting into his face and Midoriya's stomach does an awful flip and twist as he tries to figure out how to broach the subject.

He's thought about it, about them often enough that he's had a whole conversation played out but he sort of assumed he'd be able to...well... talk to him about it without everything else going on. Maybe they'd bring it up over dinner or some other neutral place, not...here and now where he's left floundering, trying to remember every single point he wanted to make and all the ways he wanted to handle this. ]

We haven't really discussed what this is.

[ He's not leaning in to kiss him because this is serious and how he handles this could be either fine or fucking catastrophic. ]

We sleep together, we hang out, we do all of these things together but it's not... we've never really given it a name, have we? And sure, some people know we're... doing stuff, I guess, but -

[ Yeah, this isn't going anywhere near how he wanted it to. Midoriya pulls away just a little, boxed in between Bakugou and the counter and presses his hand to Bakugou's chest, over his heart. ]

I like this. What we have, what we're doing. And it doesn't have to change. But if I do...decide to take a temporary job elsewhere, I want to have a conversation with you about what that means. How long. What's allowed or not allowed. It doesn't have to be right now, but...eventually.

From:

dynamight

[They need to talk about it, and Midoriya puts him on the spot, but it's something that has to be done. With Bakugou specifically. Otherwise, he's going to back himself into the corner, biting and snarling, not wanting to talk about it, not wanting to put a name or a label on anything between them.

His arms and shoulders loosen, and he leans back just a tad without pulling away. But he keeps his head tilted to the side, eyes to the left.] You keep fucking putting it off, and you won't get anywhere.

You won't ever get the damn answer you're looking for. [Finally, he turns his head back, red eyes meeting Midoriya's face and not wavering.] You wanna know if we're fucking boyfriends or something. Your publicist would kill you. [His would kill him? Well, they'd be killed together before their publicists are like, FINALLY.]

What do you mean, "some people know"? Who knows?

[He has... several guesses, not to mention, like, Kirishima on his end.]

From:

pacifisting

[ There are reasons why both of them haven't actually broached the subject yet. Midoriya's not sure their reasons are the same, but he knows that Bakugou has them just like he does. There are countless things to worry about with coming out, let alone with announcing they're dating. It becomes a spectacle, and they lose what little privacy they have. Heroes are one thing, but adding dating, adding dating men and he knows it's going to be a mess but at the same time Bakugou's worth it, in his mind. ]

I mean, I'm pretty sure my mom, Uraraka, Todoroki and Iida know we're not just having "sleepovers" at this point, Kacchan. You're telling me Kirishima doesn't suspect?

[ Sure, the others have crashed with Midoriya before, but it's different. They might not pry about it, but Midoriya's pretty sure they've got an educated guess here and he knows his mom knows or at the very least suspects heavily. His mom and Bakugou's talk too much for them not to. ]

I'm not saying you have to tell everyone I'm your boyfriend. I don't need that. This, what we're doing, is enough for me right now. But if I leave and take a job for a year somewhere else, that's a conversation we're going to have before I go. I want to know what any limits might be.

[ He wants to look away, wants to mumble it into Bakugou's shoulder, wants to do anything but meet his gaze and say these things that he's been holding onto for what feels like ages. His stomach flips and twists and he drags the hand on his chest up, curls it at the nape of his neck so he can scratch through his hair gently. ]

I'm not saying any decisions have to be made now. If I...if a job overseas opens up and I start applying I'll let you know where and when. Okay?

Edited ("an iida" pls fingers) Date: 2018-11-26 12:43 am (UTC)

From:

dynamight

What the fuck? [It's more exasperated than it is anger or rage. He can't believe... Todoroki? Iida? Ten times worse: Midoriya's mom (which means his mom in turn.)] For fuck's sake, Deku! [He can't believe his peers have been looking him straight in the face thinking about him kissing Midoriya, fucking Midoriya. Hell! Knowing he's kissing and fucking Midoriya. Their moms.

His eyes roll up at the mention of Kirishima, roll back down pretty much guiltily. Kirishima knows. If anyone can get secrets out of him, begrudgingly, Kirishima knows exactly what to say and how to say it.

His hands creak the counter when they squeeze the edge again. It's less he's ashamed and more he's just embarrassed as hell.] Just shut up. [For a second. Bakugou has to collect his thoughts somewhere under the hot, stinging flush crawling into the high edges of his cheeks.

In the end, he does what Midoriya can't or won't. Turning his head, he shoves his face into the hard, bony edges of Midoriya's shoulder and neck.] You never said we were fucking boyfriends. You never even asked. [Neither did he? Listen. It's easier to blame Midoriya. Between the two of them, Midoriya is supposed to be the good boy.]

Are you really gonna leave Japan? Dammit. [His voice is growling, but low, and the weight of his head grows more slack, like he's giving up. But his eyes are open, lashes brushing the skin of Midoriya's neck.] I'm not... letting you go off... just to get fucking stronger than me!

So you can come back and rub it in my damn face! [His pride, hit. Worse things--always worse things:] So you can find... some perfect little family...

From:

pacifisting

[ He's never mentioned it but they're not idiots. There's only so many times he can show up wearing Bakugou's shirt or give flimsy excuses about why he's just fine not going on dates with anyone they suggest. The hand at the nape of Bakugou's neck doesn't shift away, fingers combing through his hair gently while he waits for the embarrassment and irritation to fade from him.

The face in his throat isn't exactly a shock, either. Gently, he winds his other arm around him, pressing a kiss to his hair. ] I thought you'd be more comfortable if we didn't...call it that.

[ Was he wrong? Did he misjudge? He'd intended on making this as easy and casual as possible for Bakugou - boyfriends, without really calling it that but also without Midoriya ever dating or seeing other people while this was happening. Partially because he didn't have time but mostly because it seemed...weird to do that. To see other people when he spent so much time with Bakugou to begin with.

Bakugou sinks further against him and Midoriya gives up the pretense of not hugging him, circling both arms around his shoulders, sighing into messy blonde hair. ] So come with me.

[ It's...not what he intends to say, but it slips out in response. He doesn't know what Bakugou means by a perfect little family, either - is he thinking like he's going to get adopted or- oh.

Oh. ] Kacchan, if you don't want to come but don't want me to date, anyone, that's fine. I would wait for you, while we both focus on getting stronger.

From:

dynamight

[The words... make him incredibly, ridiculously embarrassed. Bakugou is glad his face is hidden in the neck, but he knows, he knows Midoriya is going to be able to feel his face grow hot. His hands move from the edge of the counter to the middle of Midoriya's back, and the fingers clench gently.]

Don't be fucking stupid. [He's an asshole, but... keeping Midoriya from stumbling upon any kind of happiness feels wrong to him. A violation of code, even if it's Midoriya, a rival. Things are supposed to be fair.

Bakugou likes playing fair.] I can't go anywhere. I have shit to do here first. [But he could come later. For a short time. Like a holiday. A two week long excursion of fucking Midoriya's brains out because they've been apart too long, and he's physical, and he drinks love's physicality like it's water.

Which is why half the time he's at least giving Midoriya fleeting touches or brushes.] I don't care... if you fuck someone else...

[But he does a little. He does. He doesn't want someone else to be better, maybe not at sex, maybe at making Midoriya happy.]

From:

pacifisting

[ Sometimes, Midoriya wishes he had the guts to go with terms of endearment. With sweetheart or baby, or something murmured into Bakugou's hair. 'Kacchan' is its own term of endearment now, something private that's just for the two of them but maybe someday he'll have enough courage to try something else. ]

Alright. [ He won't beg, he won't nag, because he gets it. Midoriya wants to go and learn from as many people as he can, wants to fight and figure out how to be the best, wants wants wants. Bakugou's part of that want, but no matter how much Midoriya loves him (and he does, even if he can't quite say it yet) he wants to be as good as All Might even more. If it means going elsewhere...well. If Bakugou stays, Midoriya thinks maybe that makes the choice of leaving even easier. At least Japan will be safe if Bakugou's still here. ]

I don't mind if you find someone else, if I'm gone. I don't mind knowing, either. Honestly... I think I would want to know who, a little bit, but I... [ He can't gesture with his hands on Bakugou like this, but they tighten, curling into his shirt and he blessedly doesn't comment on how Bakugou's face is so warm he can feel it. His own cheeks are warm as he considers the idea of Bakugou telling him who he got off with when they're apart. He doesn't like it, but he also kind of does and it's....weird. Super weird. ] Is that weird?

From:

dynamight

[Carefully, Bakugou noses further into Midoriya's neck, sliding up flush chest to chest. He likes the hands in his hair, along his shoulders; they calm him as much as most things would be able to calm him.]

What the hell is that supposed to mean? [He wants to--fuck it, he lifts his head slowly away from Midoriya's neck and peers, brows together, into Midoriya's face. His own is still fairly red, a lingering embarrassment.] How fucking long are you going to be gone?!

[He's thinking a while, but has more faith in his fortitude than what he really has in the end.]

Like hell I'm gonna just--fucking--tell you who I'm sleeping with while you're off halfway across the damn world!

[The hilarious thing: he thinks he might want to know in Midoriya's case, too. It'd make him somewhat jealous, but he'd be too self-conscious and curious.]

From:

pacifisting

[ Oh, no. Midoriya ducks his face in equal embarrassment just as soon as Bakugou goes to look at him. He thought this would be easy, they have had sex like, a bunch of times, this shouldn't be weird but it is. ]

I just mean - if you needed to, or even wanted to, I get it. But if you did it'd probably be someone...we knew, and I. It's. [ Midoriya flounders for a few moments, not even sure how to articulate what he wants or what he means here without it sounding like some sort of backhanded compliment. He sucks in a deep breath, counts to ten, and then releases it, because he's learned that giving himself a moment keeps himself from saying something he doesn't mean. ]

I don't think...I'm going to want to date anyone else because I know I'm coming back here, eventually.

[ To you. Midoriya's patient, in this. He has to be to date Bakugou. ]

All I wanted to say is if I took a job elsewhere, and if it was for a while, and if you wanted to... see someone else, that's alright. You'll still be there and I'll always come back.

[ So much of what they are is tied up in their competition, their desire to be number one, their history together. Bakugou's always been there and he'll always be there and Midoriya's content with whatever shape that takes. He really, really hopes it takes the one where he keeps getting to make curry in Bakugou's kitchen because that's - Midoriya pauses. Pulls back abruptly and in a remarkably good All Might impression ] Shit.

[ He jerks the bubbling curry off and over to the other stove, yelping when it nearly sloshes over but doesn't, barely. ]

From:

dynamight

[Honestly, Bakugou had planned to do the one thing he probably always does when Midoriya starts stuttering, and tumbling over words, and talking endlessly: kiss him. His lids lower just a bit, brows pulled together in irritation.

He starts to go in, to part his lips, but Midoriya is startled by the remembrance of curry, and then he's startled by the fucking horrendously realistic All Might impression. Visibly shook really.

Straightening up, he loosens, takes half a step back to give Midoriya room.] Fucking watch it, nerd! [He's more worried about Midoriya--hilariously--than he's worried about the kitchen.

Reaching out, he clamps a solid hand around Midoriya's forearm to keep the other from fumbling around with a hot pan and hotter curry. He exhales long and low, turns off the stove.] Watch out, dammit.

You're gonna be back in the fucking hospital.

From:

pacifisting

[ Hey, he didn't make a mess, it's fine, everything is fine. He's not supposed to be letting Bakugou get worked up, either, which means him nearly burning down the kitchen isn't going to help. ]

I'm fine, it's okay.

[ Bakugou's hand keeps him steady and it settles on the cooler part of the stove; Midoriya tugs the lid off to a flood of steam and pulls back, laughing sheepishly. ]

I'm sorry. I was just trying to see if you wanted to come on the vacation with us. I'm supposed to be here helping you take it easy.

[ For a lot of things. Maybe he shouldn't have said that much. It's fine if Bakugou doesn't feel the same because they'd never put any sort of title on this and despite everything, there's still a tiny piece of him that wants to give Bakugou an out, just in case he realizes he's made a mistake. ]

From:

dynamight

[Patiently--as patiently as he can--he waits until the pan is settled, until Midoriya isn't clinging to it so tightly. He works Midoriya's hands away without hurting the bound one, takes Midoriya by the free arm and turns the other somewhat briskly around.

It feels like he's being teased, and it makes him antsy. Them having such a serious, heartfelt conversation only to be interrupted by food. Like he's being yanked around. He hates it. Don't just say those kinds of strong spirited things and change the subject.

He's trying to talk to Midoriya here. About his feelings, even if it's difficult for him to articulate what he wants.

So he just does what he had intended to do previous, what comes naturally to him. His calloused, wide hands grasp Midoriya along the jaw and neck on each side, and he pulls them together so he can kiss the shit out of Midoriya's mouth. Explore it. It's hungry, but it's slower, not quite so needy, not like he wants them to strip in the kitchen and go at it like animals.

It's a serious as their conversation, and it grounds him. Gives him a moment or two to sort his thoughts while he can focus on Midoriya's mouth. His voice is full of gravel when he pulls back.] Where?

If I'm going at all, it better not be fucking stupid.

From:

pacifisting

[ The curry's in no danger of burning over now and the rice is in a cooker, which means he has no out and can't hide. Not that he would, it's just, he kind of considers it a fleeting moment, maybe two. He means every word he said and doesn't want to take any of them back, but also, this isn't how he'd meant for any of this to go and already he's replaying it in his head and wanting to change things.

He's jarred out of any thoughts at all when Bakugou manhandles him around and then in and it's ridiculous how effective it is at shutting his brain down just like that. Midoriya melts against the counter and tugs him in, both hands curling into his hair just shy of pulling. ]

New York. Los Angeles. There were some agencies I looked into earlier.

[ Midoriya meets his eyes, steadier than he was before like the kiss was molten reassurance. ]

Maybe I've given it a lot of thought.

From:

dynamight

[A slow, faint frown slips surprisingly onto Bakugou's face. There's a maybe, but the fact Midoriya has been thinking about it, that agencies have been looked into, halfway sets it all into stone. It isn't even soon. This isn't something that's gonna necessarily happen right now, and they aren't even apart, but a shard of something in him aches terribly.

The fingers around Midoriya's head unhook and the hands lower. He slams his forehead gently against the other's, glaring nose-to-nose, and then the head slips off to the side to rest on Midoriya's shoulders and in the crook of Midoriya's neck again.]

Do what you want, as long as you aren't doing anything fucking stupid. I don't know who the hell you think is gonna be able to save your dumbass in America, but I'll kill you if you try some dangerous bullshit.

You still owe me a fucking rematch to prove you've even gotten better at all.

From:

pacifisting

You still owe me my quirk back so we can have that rematch, Kacchan.

[ It...doesn't feel good. This doesn't feel good by any means, but it feels better than it could have all things considered. Midoriya takes the headbutt and meets his eyes as steadily as he can only for Bakugou's head to fall against his shoulder. Shamelessly, both arms wrap back around him again and he stands in the kitchen with Bakugou muttering half-assed threats at him. ]

I promise it'll be fine. If anything, America has less to worry about in some ways. No one knows me there.

[ It's both better and worse than here where heroes and villains are at least tangentially familiar with them through UA or prior work. ]

This wouldn't be for a while anyway. You're stuck with me for a few months longer, Kacchan.

Edited Date: 2018-11-26 04:00 pm (UTC)

From:

dynamight

You think no one knows you. That isn't always the fucking case. And what if something happens while you're there, fuckstick? Who's gonna be able to come save your ass? [Don't talk to him about American heroes.

Don't talk to him.] I don't think you should be fucking around over there by yourself--not without one of us at least. [Without him, specifically, but he can't just come out and say he's willing to throw everything in the gutter to go and rally at Midoriya's side.

This guy is supposed to be his rival, dammit. They're supposed to be gunning for Number One. Here they are, making out and holding hands.] So...

Maybe you should think about is longer than just a few fucking months.

From:

pacifisting

[ He's decidedly not mentioning any american hero names because that's just rubbing salt in the wound and Midoriya knows better. Leaning into the solid bulk of Bakugou, Midoriya presses a lingering kiss first to his forehead, then his cheek if he can reach it, hugging him just shy of tightly. ]

People do long distance side-kick jobs all the time, Kacchan. [ Come with me, he doesn't say, because he's already gone there once and he doesn't want to force Bakugou to come because he asked and Bakugou just said yes because of that. ]

I want to try and get as much experience as I can by twenty-five. [ It's not super far from now but it's also not exactly a short period of time when it comes to training. Gently, he extricates himself from Bakugou, the rice done and ushers him to the kitchen table with a series of lingering, gentle kisses for each step toward it they take. ] It'd only be for a year or so. You could come for the holidays.

From:

dynamight

[The kisses only mildly keep him going; he's still as gloomy as he had been, like there's a sour, grey cloud hanging over his head which won't leave. Reluctantly, he follows Midoriya to the table.

He's greedy, accepting each kiss, though he doesn't allow them to change his countenance. At least he isn't raging. A small blessing.] A fucking year. [He's going to 100% die. He'll be dead. A whole year.

Dropping into the chair is heavier than he probably meant it to be, and the wood creaks beneath his weight. Instead of worrying about the curry he so craved before--despite still being hungry--he bends over and lets his forehead slams softly on the top of the table, face down.

Is he pouting? Maybe a lil.]

From:

pacifisting

[ He won't push the idea that Bakugou could just...you know, come with him. He wants to. He desperately wants to but he holds back. Instead, he waits until the pathetic heap of injured semi-pro hero is settled at the table, kisses the nape of his neck and then heads to dish up curry for both of them. ]

Kacchan, you're being maybe a little dramatic.

[ Except, his chest aches at the idea of being gone a whole year from his friends, too. Nothing will prevent him from talking to them, sure, but it's one thing to talk to them and another to know he's going to miss all of their lunches and dinners, all the karaoke, all the ridiculous things. He'll come back sure but it isn't the same as being here.

What if Bakugou moves on from him while he's gone? It doesn't...seem likely, exactly, but there's still a chance. If it happens, Midoriya knows they'll still be friends, still be rivals, but the idea of losing this isn't one he likes either. ] Head up, there's curry.

[ A bowl is plunked down next to him and Midoriya's fingers graze the nape of his neck on his way past, settling in the chair next to him with his own bowl. ]

From:

dynamight

[All Midoriya gets while preparing the curry is a raised middle finger, brief, and half-assed. He's being maybe a little dramatic. He doesn't care. The fact Midoriya is almost certainly going to go overseas is somewhat devastating.

He has too much to try to recalibrate now, and he'll have just as much once Midoriya is gone.]

Mn.

[He doesn't even budge, and Midoriya is forced to set the plate catty-corner by his head. He even turns it away, lying on his cheek for a few moments, pouting like a child and then, finally, he's finished. His head lifts again, cheek gently red from being smooshed, almost like he had been smacked several times. His eyes settle on the curry.

Carefully, he brings the plate in front of him, but doesn't eat yet.]

Who else knows? That you're looking at other damn agencies across the planet.

From:

pacifisting

[ Pity won't get them anywhere so he doesn't give it. He's going to see if Bakugou will have him spend the night, because if so, that's when he's going to bully him into snuggling and spooning and talking about all of this in lower, quieter tones where it'll be intimacy and not pity.

It's not bad curry. Not the best, but it's decent, serviceable, and Midoriya eats almost mechanically as he watches Bakugou finally lift his head up and consider eating. ]

Kirishima. Uraraka and Todoroki know that I've considered it, and some locations but not any more than that.

[ Kirishima had been looking at it the most earnestly and that was why Midoriya had told him. The others had bullied (Uraraka) or coaxed (Todoroki) it out of him when he was agonizing over different options. ]

From:

dynamight

Goddammit...

[Kirishima, too. He's aware the guy had been scoping things out, had been considering it, but he hadn't thought one of his best buddies would be so willing to abandon him, too.

Everyone is leaving him to get stronger, and he's suffering. He wants to get stronger as well, more than anything. His goal is still the #1 spot, and yet... he hadn't intended to become so attached to his peers, the heroes he works with here in Japan.

The curry gets his full glare, but he at least lifts the spoon so he can eat. Slow. Thoughtfully in a broody way.]

If all of you fucks run off for a year, who the shit is gonna be here to keep this place safe, huh? [It's a weird way to compliment them, and maybe a shitty way to put the higher heroes down--but, dammit, he doesn't want to get left behind.] You know the one who could have done anything isn't here anymore. [He doesn't look up. Midoriya knows who he's talking about.]

From:

pacifisting

[ Midoriya stirs rice and curry together while Bakugou talks, knowing that it can't be easy for him to handle all of this. Midoriya was a little upset at the idea of Kirishima going away too, but so many heroes did end up doing it eventually that it made sense. Sure, they didn't usually travel that far but that was beside the point. ]

Kacchan... I would stay if you asked me to, the same way I think you'd come if I asked you to.

[ Properly asked. The kind where he says the words Katsuki, I'm going to miss you too much, come with me so I'm not lonely. The words he'd never say, the same way Bakugou would never come outright and say the other half.

He stretches a leg under the table and shoves a sock-clad foot between Bakugou's own, idly affectionate where he can be while his hands are occupied. ] What do you want to do?

From:

dynamight

I'm not gonna fucking beg you to stay, jackass.

[He really won't. If it's something Midoriya wants, he'll let it happen. In the end, he knows it's something Midoriya needs. It's something they all can use, traveling. Learning. Growing stronger. He wants...

He wants Midoriya to be stronger. This is the whole point. Midoriya has One For All, and Bakugou knows Midoriya needs to be as strong as possible to use it efficiently, to protect it. To protect others.

Never would he take the opportunity away from Midoriya; he's got to keep the other in check since the one person who always did...

The free hand not holding the spoon fists. He eats only a little more before he ends up just shifting the curry around the plate, mixing it.] If you're going, go. Stop asking me what I want. It's not fucking about what I want. [He doesn't shove the foot between his own away.]

But you better not waste it.

From:

pacifisting

I know.

[ Midoriya shrugs one shoulder and gives him a lopsided little smile. ]

But I wanted you to know that I would, if you asked me to.

[ So he's...going, then. Maybe not in the next month or two, but he's pretty sure he can find a job overseas pretty easily, pretty sure he can figure out an apartment, pretty sure that the time is going to go so fast it'll feel like no time at all and then he'll be alone in a new country. They still have to test out All Might's power, still have to figure out how it interacts with Bakugou's, still have to do so much and he knows he's got time but abruptly it feels like he has so little. ]

Okay. Then I'm going and when I come back... you better be ready for me. Alright?